Dealing with loss of confidence has always been a problem with writing. I tend to skate high above these sorts of things, but when faced with my artistic and technical limitation in such a blatant and shocking way, it takes me aback and I start to doubt my own ability.
I think writers often wrestle with this kind of personal failure. It’s one thing to deal with rejections, missed opportunities, and what not. That’s baked into this profession and if you don’t learn to deal with those setbacks early on you never will find success.
But when the limiting factor is yourself, and when you had no one but yourself to depend on in the first place….it’s shocking.
No one holds myself to a higher standard than myself, especially when it comes to my writing. No one.
My feet still feel as if they are on shifting sand. It was one hell of a wake up call. I think it will be okay at least to the point the problem will be corrected.
But I cannot help but feel I failed myself in some fundamental way.